I’m not sure why, but tonight this particular line is striking a cord. While it’s important that this topic has finally been bridged in the public consciousness, the usual reaction of “it’s never, ever, ever, ever OK…” is a somewhat short-sited distillation. More poignant than simply “don’t hit girls” is simply the overwhelming prevalence of violence within interpersonal relationships. More important still is America’s general attitude toward our communal mental health. Rather than asking “why did Chris Brown hit Rhianna?” why aren’t we asking “Why are people hitting each other at all?”. At the risk of drawing my own line, it may behoove us to considered that the situation (according to various reports) was seemingly elevated over a prolonged period. While that doesn’t excuse Brown’s ultimate resolution, it does provide us with a window into the true nature of the relationship.

The news reports allege that, after a period of argument, Rhianna allegedly threw Brown’s keys out the window. Brown then responded by physically assaulting her, the results of which have been well documented. When I hear kids angrily retorting that “she started it”, what I am hearing is that they understand, empathetically, l that Brown was angry and for whatever reason, THAT is the part of the story that they’ve chosen to connect with. They are frustrated, I suspect, because children are taught to mirror and role play and, seeing themselves in a similar situation, they are perhaps unsure of how they would or should react. And they should be frustrated – we’ve done little to provide them with a better answer. They’ve recognized that Rhianna’s actions were also a form of violence and that violence in relationships is never to be tolerated, regardless of the perpetrator. If the reverse had happened, for example, and it was Brown who did the key-throwing, we would have easily understood it as a precursor to a more vicious act. Undoubtedly, abusive males all over the world have frequently cut off their partner’s mode of transportation as a method of asserting further control. The “bigger, stronger” argument may be evidenced in the results, but it doesn’t preclude anyone from being acted upon themselves. While drawing our lines and casting our demons, we’ve failed to acknowledge that people in abusive relationships often teeter back and forth between the abuser and the abused. The kids, through the blessed innocence of youth, seem to be pointing this out.

Undoubtedly, we can all do better. That society has ignored the perils of Chris and Rhianna well into their twenties is a greater tragedy than anything that might have happened in the parking lot. Sure, we care when a pop-star’s battered face is shown on the news, but where were the EXTRA cameras when she was enduring the same fate as a child? Why aren’t we beating down the door of Chris Brown’s father’s and demanding to know why he taught his son that violence is an acceptable solution? There is so much more we can do to address this problem. I hope, at the very least, that the light we’ve shined on two unwilling and confused young persons can teach us all more about what we need to learn.