.the aftermath of our generation. August 12, 2008

.contributed by twinks.

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Shattered – all sense of security, trust, safety. Hardened for the worse and lacking an adequate roadmap to guide me back to sanity. Yet, even that word, “sanity,” does not seem a tangible reality.

I live my life sheltered: no man’s word is to be trusted; his touch insincere.

It is almost guaranteed that once a month I will run into a man who claims to be “different.” We begin an initial conversation where he belabors the point of his repugnance of “those men,” the ones who chew up and spit out women like a piece of chewing gum. He reacts hurt when I vocalize that I represent a growing community of women who despise men as a gender; however, he claims to understand my plight. Fast-forward two weeks, and that man who claimed to be different turns out to be just like every other guy. His “listened,” “loved,” and left. I thought it was the beginning of a new possibility.

Is it our fault? Is it your fault? I believe a clear answer no longer exists. Men claim women use them for their money while toying with their hearts. Women claim men take advantage of their honesty and vulnerability. For our generation, 22-30 years old, entering into a relationship sans an ulterior motive is impossible. So many games must be played. From a woman’s perspective, it’s all about the opening lines (once you’ve caught his attention with some stereotypical physical trait). You must be witty and charmingly ruthless. You have to present the image that you could care less if the guy stays or goes. Once you’ve grasped his attention, you then must fool him into believing you are “unique.” Either you’re that “hot girl” who is really one of the guys at heart, or you’re poised and elegant in public, but a tiger in the bedroom. Quite simply, you must play a character.

That last sentence disgusts me: “you must play a character.” As women, we are supposed to be taking pride in our societal and political evolutions since the right to vote was granted in 1920. Yet, the above paragraph is almost identical to an article I recently read in a Playboy Handbook from the 1950s. The article instructed women to pretend to embody characteristics the men of their desire would find desirable. It was the antithesis of self-identity. However, today’s games mysteriously seem identical to the repressed, feminist decade of the 1950s. What happened to our evolution towards independence and equality?

It may sound like I am solely blaming women at this point, but men have played a heavy hand in this 360 degree lack of progress. For those women who have bravely walked into the dating world vulnerable and honest have been used, abused, and turned down. Men didn’t appreciate that they were truly unique, witty, and ruthlessly charming. They saw the honesty and vulnerability as a sign of weakness they were to take advantage. Those women were regarded as foolish by others for walking in so blinded and unaware of the game. Those women are now shattered and hardened.

I have witnessed and been a victim far more times than I ever should have been. As a result, I am the classically single girl who is unable to find or want love. Therefore, where does that leave me? Cold. Doubting. Flirting with asexuality.

I no longer have the energy or patience.